Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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