Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
