i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
