she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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