i'm lost and i look like a hooker
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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