I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
