You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
