he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
