would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
