i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
