You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
