hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
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