dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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