too bad you live with your parents still
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
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i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
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There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
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