Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
