oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
