even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
tell me about the eggs
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
