Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
