Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
