I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
