I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
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You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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