the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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