the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
