i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
