I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
