last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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