dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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