we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
