how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
