areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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