I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
