i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
