I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Sorry my hands just texted you
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Sorry about my life...
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
