I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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