You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
