i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
