She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
