i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize