Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
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