DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
