i think i have two assholes
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
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I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
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Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Cover your peen. We're going out.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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