You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
