she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
