I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
