May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
