I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
