I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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