I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
