He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
