Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Who died my cat blue again?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
