Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
