I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
