where does the pee come out of this thing
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
