it wasn't lemon gatorade
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
We need to get me chipped asap
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
