I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
