he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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