He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
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I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
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I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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