so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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