Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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