I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize