I'm so fucking centered right now
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
