I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
