im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
