I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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