Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
